Rule Breaker
Don't Judge Me

Lack Of A Tin Foil Hat

Day 25 of 31 Days of Something New

Read the entire series here!

31 IOSW R New

{Also filed under Guilty Admissions and a possible new category:  Asinine Stuff I Have Done.}

I was driving up our dirt road.  The sun was in my eyes as the sun has never been before.  Really – it shoulda been on the national news right before Honey Boo Boo, it was that bad.

I could see nothing.  Nothing but sun rays and sun spots.  My eyes went bleary, my head ached, I was overwrought and confused and blinded by the light.

I had the bright idea of stopping.  Waiting for the sun to move (though we all know the it’s actually the Earth which moves – but still…..).

But did I want to stop in the middle of the road?  To risk being slammed into by a truck even larger than my beloved yukon (aka: Cornelius), or a lost tractor trailer or a sun maddened fed ex guy?

No.  So naturally, being the careful driver I am, I guided my car (going about five miles an hour, maybe), to the side of the road.

Unfortunately, unbenownst to me, I was already on the side of the road.

And I plowed into something.

Honest to God I thought it was a rock.  But it wasn’t.

It was a fire hydrant.  And the rotten thing tore the wheel offa my car.  Really – the previously vertically rolling wheel was lying horizontal on the road with a silver thing sticking up outta it which I, (relying upon my vast automotive wisdom), suspected should have been connected to something mechanical.

{I vaguely recall having the idea that, if only I could somehow develop superhuman strength and lift the front end of the car with one hand, I could shove that silver thing back into where ever it belonged with the other.

Naturally this didn’t happen.}

And no (everyone asks this,) the fire hydrant didn’t geyser.

{Which in retrospect was quite disappointing}. 

But it ran a river down the road; creating mud and puddles as far as the eye could see.

And no I wasn’t hurt.  Though I still maintain I was somehow hypnotized by the sun. Or perhaps it wasn’t the sun.  Perhaps it was an alien spaceship bent on the destruction of every fire hydrant on earth, using mind control to control both my poor yukon and myself.

{If only I’d been wearing my tin foil hat.}

I really have no idea.  It was a surreal moment (not to mention a dumb ass thing to happen).

My car is now “in the shop”.  I am carless.  I keep experiencing nightmares of horizontal wheels pierced with metal spikes as the sun glares and the water gushes.  My neighbors all know I am indeed, just as bonkers as they suspected.

And my victim (or was it my assailant????),  is in a body bag:

Fire hyd
Photo taken the next day, beneath a kinder sun's rays.

{Or perhaps after the spaceship had zoomed off....}

 

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