Well here we are, drawing closer and closer to the final week of July. And yes I am happy about that.
‘Cause it’s been hot – too hot and I’m praying (as well as dancing widershins in a circle and hanging a particularly old and bumpy yellow squash over my doorway – though to be honest thus far those last two haven’t seemed to work), that this August About To Be is a cool one. With rain – the harbinger of an early fall and the end to the dreaded fire season.
In the meantime…
Tomorrow is July 24th, and an, (in my opinion), totally bogus Utah holiday called Pioneer Day.
There will be fireworks (which heaven knows a hot, drought ridden state does not need,) and a parade (I hate parades – with the exception of the Macy’s Day Parade which I watch on tv; sort of), and other stuff like that.
For those of you wondering why I consider Pioneer Day bogus here’s my reason:
It’s supposed to be the day the Utah Pioneers came into the Salt Lake Valley, began building that large temple which still stands downtown, mapped out our loverly city with its wide streets on a grid pattern (thus making it easy for everyone to find the nearest Walmart), and planted crops.
(Which, according to local lore, were in the process of being devastated by an evil grasshopper invasion till the divine intervention of a ginormous flock of seagulls showed up and gobbled the entire mass of little hungry hoppers).
I believe this to be the literal and total truth.
Though none of this actually has anything to do with my objection with Pioneer Day; I object simply because I think we should instead be celebrating Utah’s acceptance into These United States Of America – which occurred on January 4 in 1896.
(It’s a little known fact I am the only person who knows this. Seriously. Ask someone and watch ‘em choke).
It took nearly fifty years for Utah to become a state – the whole process involved a lot of waffling this way and that; and then of course there was the entire polygamy problem which I’m not even goin’ into.
We already celebrate that glorious holiday The Fourth of July in July, shouldn’t we continue this proud tradition of celebrating our great country by acknowledging our Statehood Day and party like the crazy party state we are in January?
And yes I realize January in Utah is cold and (hopefully) snowy, and a picnic while running around with sparklers and oooing and ahhhing over firewords bursting in air wouldn’t be quite as comfortable for most of those crazy ass people who prefer summer to lovely winter; but hey do you imagine General George Washington and the Continental Army had a fun time crossing the Delaware wearing insufficient clothing, suffering from dreadful medical care, and crappy rations, while marching around on bloody feet evading the Regulars?
I don’t think so.
So buck up Utah.
Halt this ridiculous tradition of Pioneer Day and celebrate Utah’s Statehood Day instead. If Washington could grill a burger in January with the British army on his tail, you can watch a firework or two from your backyard while sipping cocoa and munching a leftover Christmas cookie.