Return of the Dubious Lifestyle Blogger.
I think about three and a half people read it. Plus some guy on death row at Fox River unjustly accused of killing the Vice President’s brother.
(No wait. That last could be Prison Break…)
At any rate I love all three and a half of you to pieces. Including the unjustly accused, probably fictional inmate.
Well… that was in April now it's June and I remain a Dubious Blogger. And, being the rebel I am (and I know I am because I took one of those amazingly scientific and entirely accurate Facebook quizzes which said so), I can’t help but rebelling against most, a lot, some of the things quite popular in the lifestyle section of Bloggerdom today.
They’re makin’ me crazy(ier).
And here are five of them…
1- Paper mache or whatever “bleached” animal skulls. Especially the ones wearing pearls. Haven’t we seen enough of these?
Have mercy, go soak the thing in the sink and reshape it into the Taj Mahal or something.
(Would that work? Dang, I may hafta hand in my crafty license.)
2- Busts of The David or your Aunt Gertrude or whoever painted whatever color. Everyone seems to have one of these babies these days.
(Which perhaps means there’ll be a glut of them at thrift stores in months or years to come during which I will probably snatch one or two up as they will no longer be in style.
And thus I’ve decided to like them.)
Yup I’m ornery like that.
N.B. These busts are made worse by:
A- Draping their necks with chains, pearls, rhinestones, etc…
(Though Lord knows I do love me some rhinestones.)
B- Putting a patch over the poor thing’s eye. Seriously. Isn’t it bad enough you’ve gone and painted him purple for Pete’s sake. At least give him a fair chance to see you coming at him with that spray paint when you decide to redo him in summer yellow!
3- All white rooms. They are boring. Embrace color.
(Plus I just don’t get how people with kids and/or dogs keep the dang things clean.
I would love to paint that wall but honestly it just seems like too much work in my present state.
Though I did paint the chair. And sat my lovely "Waldorf" doll there despite the fact she makes all my children nervous.
Staging is fake, phony (which are pretty much the same thing), and amazingly annoying.
Whenever I’m perusing a blog and notice a staged photo (ie: lacking dirty tissues on the floor, dirty dishes in the background, too perfect lighting, or a ginormous bowl of lemons right smack dab in the center of a sparkling marble counter), I immediately distrust the blogger and refuse to click on any of her ads even when I really really want to.
Yup – still ornery.
Life is messy. Embrace it.
Heaven will be all pristine and perfect; isn’t that enough?
Examples of Staging....
Unstaged = more interesting and so much easier to find examples!
5- Plants in places they could not possibly grow.
I’m no botanist though I do feel fairly secure in believing plants require actual sunlight to grow and flourish.
(Or perhaps some sort of hot house lights which people use to grow marijuana in their basements.
I saw it on PBS.)
I have seen photos of ”blog plants” plopped into the most unlikely spots. In dark little bathrooms lacking a window where they teeter precariously upon the toilet tank, their lush leaves brushing the floor.
(In my house that baby would be a gonner in about ten minutes.)
I‘ve seen plants stuffed into corner shelves where a mushroom would refuse to grow, on counters (beautiful ceramic bowls of “ready to pick and use” herbs) in kitchens with fluorescent lighting and not a window to be seen.
Somehow I just can’t talk myself into believing these plants are real.
Though the blogger in question always insists they are.
(Once again I suspect Staging. Which I’m against. See Complaint #4.)
Unless I manage to kill them first....
So go ahead. Pick me to pieces. Call me a charlatan, a décor hater, a philistine. I can’t help it.
I’m ornery and truthful and this stuff makes me crazy.
What’s Making You Crazy These Days?
(If it's me don't tell me.
I'm extremely fragile and can't take criticism.)