On The Mend
Week In The Life



Filling realms

The second installment in a series.  Family/Home Culture is right here!


On having a Social Life and enjoying some Fellowship.

I like the word Fellowship, it reminds me of Christmas music, and books by Charles Dickens..

{Which, incidentally, also remind me of one another, but that’s beside the point.}

It has been a long time since I felt as though I truly had a social life and a sense of fellowship.  Actually I’m still not truly feeling it; but I suppose such things take a while.

And, to be honest, despite my love of talking conversation, I am not the most social type.

I haven’t quite yet decided why.  I always imagined myself growing up to be like my grandmother; very much a people person and definitely social.

But then I began homeschooling and became entirely involved with my kids and their activities. And though yes I did make friends among the “homeschool moms”, many of those friendships dissolved somehow as my kids fluctuated from this interest to another, and today out of all the friends I had ten years ago or so, I only talk to a few, here and there, now and again.

This, (as you can no doubt imagine) is rather depressing.

When we moved to Witt’s End I decided to make an effort to meet as many of the people living “in the canyon” as I could (without seeming overly desperate and stalkerish.  A surprisingly difficult thing to do).  I think I’ve been rather successful in this.  I have several friends whom I talk to on a regular basis and who are in my bookgroup.  One friend in particular I have quite a lot in common with, and my youngest son hangs out with her son and family quite a bit (well, what I consider quite a bit).

Still, not having a “Church Family” and missing out on that “comfortable feeling” which comes from living around old friends and a large extended family (something I grew up around) is difficult.  It’s a hard, if not impossible, thing to replace, and building friendships takes time.

I, unfortunately, am not the most patient of people.

So – being Me naturally I make out A List, ingeniously entitled:

~How To Get A Social Life And/Or Find Fellowship~

{Yes I know it’s pathetic but at least I can admit it.}

Here is part of said list, with a few further explanations, notes, and complaints comments:


1-  Start a Bookgroup.

I’ve actually done this one and found it both easier and more difficult than it would appear.

First off there is the completely unexpected and unbelievable complication that people simply don’t seem to read.

Yeal I know – I have absolutely no idea what they’re doing instead either.

It boggles the mind.


2-  Start a SupperClub.

I’ve always been fond of the term SupperClub.  (Though my spell check and I are at odds over its spelling).

I imagine a Supper Club (spell check prefers this spelling….) as a rather retro affair.  Involving five or six couples, rotating houses every month with a planned in advance menu; the host would prepare the main course and everyone else bring whatever they’ve decided to bring.

Dressing up like the cast from MadMen would be optional.

{I’m more the hippie type myself.}

One could have themes as well.  Such as Indian Food night (we eat a lot of curry at our house), 50’s night (um…  Sputnik Chicken or meatloaf???), Vegan, Chinese, Purple Food, etc…

Now doesn’t that sound fun?


3-  Invite people to dinner.

I’ve been meaning to do this one for years.  And years and years.

I just don’t know why it hasn’t happened yet.

I thought of asking each of my sister and brothers in law and their family/partner on a weekly or (more realistically) monthly basis.

But…I never did and now all but one of them has moved out of state and then we built Witt’s End and I had a nervous breakdown and we moved while I was still in the midst of said nervous breakdown and here I am.

Three years later and still lacking dinner guests.


{Though we do eat dinner regularly.  I suppose that’s something…}


4-   Join a gym.

I have heard of people actually making friends doing this, though I’m uncertain whether that rumor is true.

At any rate I am not joining a gym.  {You can find the reasons why right here:  Why I Refuse to Join A Gym.}



Well fine, I must admit I can’t think of a number five.

Imagine that.

You see, the problem with a social life and truly feeling a sense of fellowship is the people involved must be committed to it.  They must have some part of themselves invested in the idea – and many people today evidently cannot afford that emotional investment.

We all like to say we’re sooooo busy nowadays.

“Oh mah goodness, I am sooooo busy”.

Hmmm…  I’d like to know what everyone is truly so busy doing.

{From my experience it isn’t reading.  Well, unless you count the attention span destroying tidbits on facebook, twitter, and the like.}

Here in Utah people tend to have large families, and taking care of that family is indeed an important and time sensitive commitment.

Most of the “moms” I know also work at least part time, many full time.  Also very important and very time consuming.

And although I don’t work outside the home I do have rather a lot on my plate, as they say.

I have five children, one of them a special needs kinda girl who keeps me on my toes, four of them boys- critters we all know are absolutely crazy and who have graced me to test my patience and strength of spirit.  I am the semi-proud (truth:  overwhelmed), semi-owner of a house on steroids which still isn’t actually finished, the mere thought of which exhausts me on a daily basis.  I homeschool my kidlets – though technically only three of ‘em are left in the homeschool nest nowadays.  Yet goodness knows I can still be caught at 11 p.m. editing a political science paper on a subject hitherto unknown to me; openly confused by the subject matter, jargon, and what the crap is this about anyway…

Yup – I was not a poly sci major.

I am also supposed to be in the midst of my own little personal renaissance:  writing away, working out, trying to get those words onto the paper while simultaneously keeping those handfuls of marshmallow mateys outta my mouth.

This is difficult on several levels.

There are mountains of laundry, endless dunes of dust, a yard to be put in, projects to finish, ways to improve ourselves and our situation to be sought, found, and conquered.  Son&Heir is leaving on a Washington D.C. internship in August which delights and frightens me to death, Little Bit’s social life seems no better than mine of late, and when my brother-in-law, just the other day, asked me what Girly Girl was up to my mind froze and I oh so eloquently replied “Ahhhh…..”

In other words it is all too much and I really really just want to go hide in my closet with a stack of books and a large amount of chocolate and coke.  Diet.

Unfortunately they keep finding me.

Yet still I think of and rather yearn for a Social Life and Fellowship.  Particularly the latter.  Not only because it sounds Dickensian to me, but because of the promise it contains of things to come, and things which have been.  Of better days; of memories of times spent together.  Commonalities, shared purpose; that feeling that someone has your back.  A feeling I fear I have never experienced as much as a person should.

It’s hard, this Fellowship seeking. 

Frodo did all right in this area.  But then he’d had Sam, Merry, & Pippin by his side for years.  And the rest of the Fellowship were bonded together by (yet again), shared purpose and the direst of needs.

Is that really what it takes to find true Fellowship?

I hope not; because frankly I’m been there done that a couple of times in the direst of needs department and am more than ready for brighter days and one of those cartoon sunshiny tomorrows. 

Can a person find true Fellowship without having to trudge, once more, through hell and back again?

What do you think?

Where and how have you found that friend or friends who’ve got your back?

Is Fellowship possible?

Share your thoughts!

IOSW Mimsy Lou

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